The Mortal Stars
by CloveLudwig99
Summary: A mortal instruments and The fault in our stars crossover. 16 year Hazel Grace Lightwood is a shadowhunter who lives in the New York institute with her brothers Jace and Alec and her sister Isabelle and their tutor Hodge. When Hazel was 13 she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She has never had many friends, until she meets a young mundane boy- Simon Lewis *CHAPTER 5 IS UP*
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, so I decided to do a 'The fault in our stars' and 'the mortal instruments' crossover.**

**In this story Hazel is the younger sister of Isabelle, Jace, and Alec. So her name is Hazel Grace Lightwood. **

**There is no Augusts in this story, but when Simon meets Hazel they immediately bond, as she and Gus do in TFIOS. **

**So this story starts when Clary wakes up in the institute. **

**There are a lot of differences between this and the book. For instants, Jocelyn and Luke are married and Luke has raised Clary as his own for the past 16 years, so her name is Clary Garroway. **

**Luke knows Clary and Simon are at the institute as Simon called him after they got there. **

**Oh and also there will be some OCC-ness for Hazel and she doesn't look exactly like book Hazel (For instants she has blue eyes not green) **

**I think that's about it, yeah. Oh except Isabelle is 17 not 16. So yeah, that's about it. Enjoy and please review!**

**The mortal stars. **

**Chapter 1: Meeting him. **

**Disclaimer I don't own TFIOS or TMI all rights go to Cassandra Clare and John Green!**

***Hazel's P.O.V.***

My name is Hazel Grace Lightwood. I am a 16 year old Shadowhunter. I live in the New York institute with my brothers Jace and Alec, my sister Isabelle and our tutor Hodge Starkweather. My parents- Maryse and Robert- are usually away on business in our home land, Idris. That's where they are now with my 9 year old brother Max.

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with lung cancer. It didn't come as a great shock to me, as I'd been losing weight, throwing up, having difficulty breathing and coughing up blood for weeks.

There's no rune to cure a disease such as cancer, as there is no mundane cure for it. I went to a mundane hospital and underwent radiotherapy for a few months. Luckily I didn't- and still don't- have many runes, so I told the nurses that they were just tattoos. After the Radiotherapy didn't work I was put on Chemotherapy for a few months. This didn't work either. I struggled more and more with my breathing and soon I wasn't able to breathe on my own. I was put on oxygen therapy, whereby I receive extra oxygen from a nasal canula that's attached to an oxygen tank. I have a little cart with wheels to help me take the oxygen tank everywhere with me.

Yesterday my brother Jace arrived back at the institute with two mundane's. Clary Garroway- who actually isn't a mundane, it's a long story. And Simon Lewis. Clary had been bitten by a demon. Where she would have encountered one, we don't know. Jace gave her an _Iratze, _even though we didn't know for sure that she was a shadowhunter. But she survived so she clearly is.

"So, you're telling me, that my best friend is one of you guys?" Simon asks as he Jace and I sit in the infirmary waiting for Clary to wake.

"For the millionth time, mundie, yes!" Jace says.

"Jace! Don't be so rude! Yes Simon, Clary is a shadowhunter. It's clear her parents were shadowhunters who raised her as a mundane. Maybe they were exiled like my parents." I say. I like Simon, a lot. We have a lot in common and he's funny.

"Maybe." Simon says.

Suddenly Clary's eyes start to flutter open. "Hey she's waking up!" Simon says, in obvious delight. Clary looks very confused, and disorientated.

"Hey, Clare." Simon gently says.

"Hi. Where am I? Where are my mom and dad?" She asks. Simon takes her hand in his and looks her straight in the eyes.

"Clary, you're in the institute. Your mom is missing; she wasn't there when you got home from Java Jones yesterday. Your dad is on his way, I called him when we got here. You've been attacked by a demon, you need to rest up." Simon says. Clary seems too shocked to say anything. She looks at the rune on her arm.  
"What's this? A tattoo?" She asks.

"It's a rune. It'll help you heal." I gently tell her. She looks at me obviously confused about who I am. "I'm Hazel by the way, Jace's sister." I say. Before anyone can say anything else there's a loud ringing through the institute. Some seeking permission to enter, obviously a non shadowhunter.

"I'll get it." I say.

"I'll come with you, it's probably Clary's dad." Simon says. With that we stand up and make our way into the hallway. When we get to the stairs I have to lift up my oxygen tank. "Oh here, let me help you." Simon says, taking the tank off me.

"Thanks." I say, glad not have to carry it as it's a huge burden.

"So you're Jace's sister?" He asks.

"Yep. Well, obviously not biologically, he was adopted." I say.

"Right, I figured that. You look a lot like your brother Alec." He says. I smile, everyone is always telling me how alike Alec and I look.

"Everyone says that." I say.

We reach the end of the stairs before we can continue the conversation. Simon sets my oxygen tank down as I open the door.

I'm face to face with a man who looks to be about 30. He has a neat beard, brown hair. He has glasses and blue eyes.

"Are you Clary's dad?" I ask.

"Yes, Luke Graymark." He says.

"I'm Hazel Lightwood." I say.

"Maryse and Roberts's youngest daughter?" He asks. I wonder how he knows my parents.

"Yes, you know my parents?"I ask.

"Yes, I went to school with them. I can't believe you're Clary's age, Jocelyn- my wife- and I babysat you when you were just 4 years old." He says. I guess I was right about Clary's parents being exiled from the Clave.

"Oh, I don't remember you or Jocelyn. Then again I don't remember much before my diagnoses." I say. Luke looks at my oxygen tank, as if he's just noticing it.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He says. I shake my head, I hate it when people say 'I'm sorry' when they find out I have lung cancer. It's not like they can cure it or anything.

"Clary's upstairs, in the infirmary. I can show you where it is if you want." Simon says.

Luke nods, obviously worried about Clary.

"See you later Hazel." Simon says.

"Bye." I say, and with that they head up the stairs.

I decide to go the library to find a good book to read, though I'll probably just end up reading my favourite book 'A tale of two cities' for the millionth time. I know it's an old book but I found it one day and I was engrossed and ever since then it's been my source of comfort. So I tilt my oxygen tank onto its wheels and make my way to the library, where there are- unfourtenetley- more steps. In case you hadn't noticed, my lungs _suck_ at being lungs.

When I reach the library I take a deep breath before walking down the steps. Afterwards I feel a little dizzy so I sit down in a window seat and concentrate on my breathing.

"Are you alright?" My brother Alec asks, walking down the stairs toward me. Alec is really shy and doesn't have any friends except Jace, Izzy and me. We get on great and are really close.

I nod.

"Yeah, just a lot of steps and sucky lungs." I say, as Alec sits beside me.

"Why don't you go upstairs and sleep for a while?" Alec asks. I'm always tired and usually take naps during the day. I can't go on hunts with Alec Jace and Izzy and I don't train. But I'm not tired now, and I want to find out more about Simon and Clary, like everyone else. As I mentioned I really like Simon and we get on well, even though we haven't spent that much time together.

I shake my head.

"I'm not tired right now; I'll probably go up later." I say. Alec nods. "Clary seems nice." I say. Alec wrinkles up his nose; clearly he doesn't think the same.

"I guess she's ok. Jace seems to really like her, though." Alec says. Ah, that explains why he doesn't seem to like her. Alec is gay, and he loves Jace. We all know he's gay, and it's not a big deal to us, but it is to the Clave, so Alec's afraid to come out. Izzy and I know he's in love with Jace but Jace doesn't. Even if Jace loved Alec back, in the same way, they couldn't be together because they're _parabatia, _which means 'Two soldiers' in Latin. They're closer than brothers. Anyway you're not allowed to have a romantic relationship with you _parabatia. _I feel bad for Alec because he deserves to be happy, and he probably would be if he would go out more and meet other guys, but he doesn't. Though I can't really say anything because I myself don't socialize very often. Sometimes Izzy drags me shopping with her, but even then it's a lot of standing that my crappy lungs can't take and I end up sitting down and reading while she deals with the dilemma of not being able to pick one pair of shoes out of three.

I sigh and put my arm around Alec's shoulder.

"Poor Alli Boo." I say. Our youngest brother Max used to call Alec 'Alli' when he was little and then Jace added on the 'Boo' to annoy Alec, so now everyone calls him that to annoy him.

"Don't call me that." He says as I lean my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me.

"Why not? It's cute." I say.

"Well then you won't mind me showing Simon and Clary your baby pictures because you were a cute baby." He says. I look at him and see a smirk on his face, I know he's serious.

"Alexander you do and I will cut you in your sleep." I threaten. He laughs.

"Will you call me 'Alli Boo' again?" He asks. I will, but I'm not telling him that.

"No." I say.

"Then I won't show anyone your baby pictures." He says.

Alec and I sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes before we hear footsteps. I look up to see Jace and Simon walking down the steps.

"Hey." I say, separating myself from Alec and sitting up.

"Hey." Jace says sitting down between me and Alec.

"How's Clary?" I ask.

"Confused, really confused, and upset." Simon says. I nod.

"Is she going home with her dad?" Alec asks.

"Not yet. Her dad's staying with a friend that Clary doesn't know and well, their apartment was destroyed by a demon so I think she'll be staying here a while longer." Jace says. I look at Alec and see he doesn't look one bit happy.

"I wonder where the demon came from." I say.

"Someone sent it, obviously. But we don't know who." Jace says.

*10 minutes later*

"Are you sure you can handle all this walking? We can go on a tour of the institute another day." Simon says, as we walk around the corridors. We were both bored so I decided to show him around the place. Admittedly all the walking is a little hard but once I sit down for a while every now and then I'm okay.

"I'm fine. I told you, once I sit down for a while when I need to, I'll be fine. I don't need a wheelchair just yet." I say. If the tumours continue to grow as they are growing now, my doctor at the mundane hospital told me I probably won't be able to handle hardly any walking and have to use a wheelchair.

"Yet?" Simon asks. I tell him what my mundane doctor told me.

"Gosh, that sucks. So you're in the hospital a lot?" He asks. I nod.

"Which reminds me I have an MRI tomorrow to check on the tumour growth." I say. I hate going for MRI's. I have been having them since before I was diagnosed, but I've never really gotten use to them, having to lie still for so long is really annoying.

"If your parents aren't here who takes you to the hospital? Or do you go on your own?" Simon asks.

"Usually Jace or Alec comes with me." I say. Simon nods.

"You know you're nothing like Jace or Alec personality wise- not to me anyway. You're really cool to hang around with and you know star wars and star trek and you like comics and books, besides Clary I've never met someone who's as big a nerd as me." Simon says. I smile, I love hanging out with Simon, he's awesome and so funny and caring and sweet.

"Thanks, I'm admittedly a huge nerd. You're great to hang around with too; we should do it more often now we're friends." I say. Simon smiles as I call him my friend.

"Defiantly. I'm probably going to stay the night here with Clary to make sure she's ok, so we can hang around again tomorrow. After your MRI." Simon says. I smile and nod.

"Sounds great." I say.

*That night*

I smile as I lay in my big comfy double bed, listening to the soft whirring of my oxygen tank. Every time I think about Simon I find myself smiling. He's a great friend, even though I just met him.

I fall asleep that night looking forward to tomorrow after my MRI, when I can do what is now my favourite thing to do, hang around with Simon.

**Okay so there's chapter one. I'm not so sure what I think of it. It was hard to write but I think it was okay. I based all my knowledge on Hazel's cancer and symptoms on my reading of The fault in our stars and This Star Won't Go Out, and also personal experiences. (I haven't been diagnosed with Lung Cancer, but I have some symptoms such as hacking cough, chest pains, shoulder pains and difficulty breathing.) **

**So please review and let me know what you think and how I can improve this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me so long to write this. **

**I'm really stressed right now; the junior cert is in 1 day! I'm SO scared! **

**I'm so glad you all like this! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI or TID all rights go to Cassandra Clare. **

**Chapter 2. **

***HAZEL'S P.O.V.* **

***The next day*  
**

"Hazel Lightwood." The nurse calls, as I sit in the waiting room of the hospital with Alec. I just had my MRI to check on the growth of the tumours and if the cancer has spread anymore.

Alec and I stand up and follow the nurse into one of my doctor's offices.

When we get in we shake hands with Dr. Annette and sit down.

"So Hazel how have you been feeling lately? Any headaches or anything?" She asks. This makes me nervous, if she's asking about headaches they could have found a brain tumour.

"Uh, some." I say.

"Any other pains?" She asks.

"Uh just some shoulder pain, but that could be from stress." I say. Having cancer is surprisingly stressful.

"Well, the MRI was good and bad." She says. I bite my lip.

"How so?" Alec asks.

"Well the cancer has not spread yet." She says. I let out a sigh of relief. "But I'm afraid there has been quite a bit of growth in the tumours in your lungs." She says. I knew it; it's been really hard to breathe lately, even _with _the oxygen. "You're Haemoglobin count is also quiet low and your bloods show you also have anaemia, clearly you're not getting enough iron." She says.

"So what are you going to do?" Alec asks.

"Well we know from when you were first diagnosed that your tumours are inoperable so we will put your oxygen levels up to four litters a minute.

"There is a new Chemotherapy drug that I would like to try you on. You will receive it from an IV in your wrist, unlike the oral pill you were previously taking. You will come here four times a week to receive it. You're brother may come as well and sit with you. The session will probably last approximately 3 hours.

"As you know, Chemo has awful side affects so I recommend you take it very easy while on the chemo. The chemo is a mixture of two drugs that will hopefully make the tumours less active.

"As for the anaemia I will prescribe you Iron supplements to take once a day until the packet is finished. When it is come back here and we will count your haemoglobin levels again, and if they are of an appropriate number you will no longer need to take the supplements.

"Also if you are going somewhere that involves a lot of walking, I want you to use a wheelchair." Dr. Annette says.

Wow, that's a lot to take in. I'm back on chemo. Insert sarcastic Yay. I hate chemo so much, it's awful. It didn't work on making my tumours less active but it made me sick as a dog and I was in bed all day every day.

"So when does Hazel start the new Chemo?" Alec asks.

"Two days from now. You can make an appointment with the receptionist on the way out." She says, as she scribbles a prescription. She tears it out and hands it to Alec.

We thank her and make our way out. Alec makes my next appointment and collects my iron supplements, while I sit down.

As I'm waiting for him and concentrating on my breathing, I hear someone calling my name.

I look up to see Clary's dad Luke, walking toward me. I wonder what he's doing here.

He smiles at me as he hits beside me. I like Clary's dad, he's really nice.

"Hello Hazel, what are you doing here?" He asks.

"Hey. I had an MRI to check on the growth of my lung tumours." I say.

"And how did it go?" He asks.

"Not that great. The cancer hasn't spread yet, but my lung tumours have grown quite a bit. My doctor's putting me on the new chemo combination of two drugs that I'll receive 4 times a week. I also have to use a wheelchair if I'm going anywhere that requires a lot of walking." I say.

"God, that's awful. I'm really sorry you have to through all of this Hazel, especially at such a young age." He says. I smile.

"Thanks. It's awful but I've been going through all this since I was barely twelve." I say.

"You're a good kid; you shouldn't have to go through this." He says. I grin. I like how nice he is to me. My dad was and still is, very distant. He was never really there for me, not even when I was diagnosed. He's always working in his office and only really comes out to eat.

My tutor Hodge was the only father figure I really had growing up, because dad wasn't there for me. And Hodge does help me cope with my cancer. He always makes special potions for me for my headaches and nausea.

"Thanks Luke." I say.

A few minutes later Alec comes back. I say goodbye to Luke and Alec and I head home.

When we get home I go upstairs to lie down for a while.

After a few minutes there's a soft knock on the door.

"Come in." I call.

The door opens and Jace walks in.

I smile as he walks over and sits at the end of the bed.

"Hey baby sis, how'd the MRI go?" He asks.

"Good and Bad." I say.

"How so?" He asks.

"The doctor says my lung tumours have grown quite a bit. She put me on this new chemo consisting of two drugs. She's also putting my oxygen levels up to 4 litters a minute.

She also said I have anaemia and I have to take iron supplements now. Also if I'm going anywhere that requires a lot of walking I have to use a wheelchair." I say.

"Shit." Is all he says. I nod. "When do you start your new chemo?" He asks.

"2 days." I say. Jace and I sit in comfortable silence for a while before I accidently fall asleep.

*1 hour later*

"So what's the best book you've ever read?" Simon asks, as we sit in the library.

"Well, the best _series_ I've ever read is without a doubt Harry Potter. My favourite book is definitely Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban." I say. Simon grins broadly.

"I love Harry Potter! My favourite one is The Order Of The Phoenix." He says.

"I love that one! I read them when I was a kid, about seven or eight." I say.

"Wow, I read them when I was 11." He says.

"My mom used to read to me all the time when I was little, I think that's what got me into reading." I say.

"Me too. Well my sister used to read to me when I was a kid." He says.

"Are you and your sister close?" I ask.

"Yeah, really close. How about you and Isabelle, are you guys close?" He asks.

"Yeah, Jace, Izzy, Alec, Max and I are all really close but I'm closet with Alec." I say.

"He doesn't really like Clary, does he?" Simon says.

"No, I don't think so. He can be a moody asshole at times so you just need to learn to ignore him." I say. Simon laughs.

"Have you seen the Harry Potter movies?" Simon asks.  
"Yeah, they're okay I just wish they had Peeves in them." I say.

"Me too. You know the scene in the goblet of fire where McGonagall is teaching the Gryfindoors to dance?" He asks. I nod. "Well we can presume that all heads of house were teaching their students to dance. So you know who had to teach the Slythriens to dance..." Realization that it was Snape hits me.  
"Snape!" I say, grinning.

"Put... Your had on... my... Hip." He says, doing his impression of Snape. I laugh pretty hard. So hard I hurt my side and can feel where my lung tube had been when I got my lungs drained of the built up water, a few weeks ago.

"Oh, Ow!" I say, clutching my side but still laughing.

"Are you okay?" Simon asks. I nod.

"Yeah, I just laughed so hard I hurt my side and I could feel where my lung tube had been a few weeks ago when I had to get my lungs drained of all the built up water." I say.

"Sounds painful, the tube I mean." He says.

"Having it taken out by interns with very little experience felt like being stabbed in reverse and caused me to stay in hospital for two more days." I say.

"That's stupid, why didn't a professional doctor just do it?" He asks.

"That's what I kept asking but it was only my dad there and he just kept saying things like 'Hazel I don't understand mundane's and they way they treat things. Just let them do it, what's the worst can happen.'" I say. My dad is so distant and he doesn't seem to give two shits about my cancer. When I was diagnosed he came to see me like two or three times, whereas mom, Izzy, Alec and Jace were practically forced to leave after visiting hours ended.

"So your dad's not that close with you, huh?" Simon asks. I shake my head.

"It's like he doesn't even care that I have cancer and that I'm dying. I feel like he doesn't care at all. He never visits me in hospital and when he does he doesn't really say anything, just sits there.

Also, a while back I had awful nausea from the chemo and I was in the library and so was dad and I suddenly felt_ really_ sick and I thought I was going to throw up then and there, and I was like 'Dad I really don't feel good, I forgot to take my nausea pill and I think I'm gonna be sick' And Dad was like

'Go find your mother or Hodge or someone and take the nausea pill.' But I didn't think I could stand up. And I told him and he said 'It's just a bit of nausea Hazel, everyone gets it now and then, I'm sure you'll be fine.' So I stood up but I guess I didn't have enough oxygen and I pretty much fell straight away, and the canula came out of my nose and everything. I was panicking, trying to get the canula back in as I was already severely under oxygenated. Luckily Jace came in at the moment and helped me. He then helped me find mom and she helped me with my nausea problem.

I just feel like my dad honestly doesn't care." I say, wiping away my tears.

"Oh Hazel." Simon says. He gets up and hugs me, and I let myself burry my face in his chest.

"I'm sorry Simon, I'm just a mess right now and I'm scared because I'm going back on chemo because my tumours are growing a lot and I feel awful most days and I'm just really scared of dying!" I say.

"It's okay, it's okay, you have every right to be scared. But it'll be okay Hazel, it will. I know how scary this is for you and you want your dad to be a proper dad to you, one who comforts you, protects you and loves you with his life, like Luke is with Clary." He quietly says.

"I have a great mom and I love her and I love my brothers and sister as well but sometimes I just want my dad and he's never there." I say.

"I know how you feel. My dad died when I was little and I've always missed him and wished he was still here, especially when I'm scared or upset or stressed." He says.

"I'm sorry about your dad." I say.

"I'm sorry about _your_dad." Simon says.

"You mean the fact that he's a douche who's never there for his kids?" I say. Simon laughs lightly.

"Exactly." He says.

"Thanks, me too." I say.

That night at dinner I sit between Alec and Simon, and at least _try_ to eat something. I have an awful apatite these days. Either I don't want to eat or I throw everything up.

"Hazel, please, eat something, anything." Alec quietly says. I shake my head.

"I can't Alec, my stomach hurts when I eat." I say.

"That's because you haven't eaten properly in so long and your stomachs not use to a lot of food. Hazel please, just eat a little bit more than normal, please. I know you don't feel well but you can't starve yourself, that'll just make it worse. Come on please, I'll even make you some toast if you want, and if that's all you eat, well then it's more than you've been eating recently." He says. I hate making him so worried about me. I really should just choke down some toast for him.

"Look, I'll have a proper breakfast." I say. He frowns. "Alec, please, I know I should eat but I'm really tired right now. I swear I'll eat properly for breakfast." I say.

"Will you let me take you to Taki's?" He asks. Taki's is our local... well I guess restaurant. It has food for shadowhunters, werewolves, fairies, vampires and warlocks. The food is quiet nice and I've been there a good few times with Jace, Alec and Izzy.

I sigh.

"Fine." I say. Alec smiles, looking pleased.

"Thank you." He says.

"I'm going to bed." I say.

"It's very early, isn't it?" Hodge says.

"Maybe but I've had a long day of having cancer." I say. I give Alec and Simon a hug (as they are right beside me) and head up stairs. I hook myself up to my oxygen concentrator that's permanently in my room and I use it at night. I call it Jeremy, because it just looks like a Jeremy.

It takes me a long time to fall asleep that night as I have awful chest pains and it's getting harder and harder to breathe, with the tumours growing and being so active.

I wake up at 2:00am gasping for breath and panting, my lungs feel like they're folding in on themselves and I don't feel the usual tickle of the oxygen going into my nose through my canula. Oh Angel there is obviously something seriously wrong.

I barely manage to scream loud enough to wake someone, before I pass out into darkness.

**Hope you enjoyed! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews etc. I'm glad you like this story, I enjoy writing it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI or TID all rights go to Cassandra Clare. **

**Chapter 3: Magnus Bane. **

***HAZEL'S P.O.V.***

When I wake up the first thing I see is the white sterile roof of the ICU. My lungs still hurt, but not as badly.

I see there is a button that allows me to call the nurse, beside my bed. So I press it and a few minutes later a blonde nurse in blue scrubs comes walking in. She smiles at me.

"Hi Hazel, I'm Alison, your nurse." She says, helping me sit up.

"Can I see my brothers and sister?" I ask.

"Well you have to get your bloods done first and then if you're still up to it I'll bring them in." She says. I hate getting my bloods done, I hate needles. Even after five years of constantly being stuck with needles, I still hate getting my bloods done. There's only been one occasion where the nurse got my vein on the first try.

"Okay." I say.

*5 minutes later*

It only took Alison 2 tries to get my vein.

"Okay we should have your result in a while; in the meanwhile I'll go get your brothers and sister." She says. I nod and settle into the mountain of pillows. I have my canula in as usual and I can feel the familiar tickle of oxygen trickling into my nose, again.

I hear footsteps and look up to see only Alec walking in. I wonder where Jace and Izzy are. Alec looks so relieved. He walks over and embraces me.

"Oh Hazel I was so worried about you, I thought we were gonna lose you." He says.

"Alec, what happened?" I ask.

"Well I heard you scream in the middle of the night so I rushed into you and you were unconscious. I yelled for Hodge and he came in. He didn't know what happened or why you passed out. I didn't either and you weren't breathing properly so we immediately knew to take you here. They said it looked like your oxygen suddenly stopped flowing through the concentrator for some reason. You hadn't been receiving enough oxygen for a few hours so you passed out. But they went back over your MRI results and did some more tests and stuff and well um... it looks like your cancer could start spreading soon. They're also starting you on chemo today, instead of tomorrow." Alec says. Well it's no wonder now that my lungs felt like they were folding in on eacother, it was awful. What's even more awful is that I'm starting chemo again today, I really hate chemo.

"Did they say where it might be spreading to?" I ask.

"Well they said since it was originally in your thyroid and then it spread to your lymph nodes and lungs before you were diagnosed, it could go to your lymph nodes again, and well that would mean surgery and larger doses of chemo." Alec says. There's nothing I hate more than chemo and surgery.

"Oh Joys." I say. Alec laughs lightly.

"Where are Izzy and Jace?" I ask.

"They had to deal with a demon outbreak in the park, only two were needed, we agreed I'd stay in case they need an adult for some reason and I'm the only one who's eighteen." He says.

"When do I start Chemo?" I ask.

"In a few hours, and you can come back home after the chemo. Do you want to sleep for a while before you start Chemo?" He asks. I'm so glad I'm allowed to go back home, I'd much rather be in my own bed after chemo.

"No, I'm good; I just want to get this chemo over with." I say.

"Do you want me to sit with you?" He asks. I nod.

"Yeah, if you don't mind." I say.

"Course I don't mind." He says. I smile weakly.

*2 hours later*

"Alright Hazel, it's time to start your chemo, so please follow me." Alison-my nurse- says. Alec helps me out of bed and links arms with me, knowing how weak I am. I once again have a portable oxygen tank behind me. It's one provided by the hospital, since the one I had when I came here wasn't working.

When we get into the room there's no one else there. Alison shows me to one the chairs with a bag of chemo on one of those long silver things bags of medical stuff are attached to. I sit down. Alec sits beside me. Alison fiddles with the buttons for a minute before holding her hand out for my wrist. I give it to her close my eyes as she inserts the IV into my wrist. Once I feel it go in and feel her let go of my wrist, I open my eyes.

"I know you've had chemo before but that was an oral pill, so I'm obliged to tell you exactly how this works. The chemotherapy will flow into your body from the veins in your wrist, which are receiving the chemo from this bag containing the chemo. It consists of two drugs that will hopefully slow your tumours growth and make them less active. Each session lasts about 3 hours. If you have a book or something you want to read you can, you can write on paper or do something that keeps you occupied. Your brother can sit with you for the whole session.

"There are a lot of side effects such as hair loss and nausea. Depending and how the chemo works you will probably be on it for a number of months." She says. I already knew most of the side effects of Chemo. When I was on it for the first time I lost a lot of my hair. I was always so sick, I was so happy when I got off it.

I nod.

"Okay." I say.

"I'll come and check up on you in an hour or so." She says, and leaves.

I tuck my oxygen cart under my chair and turn to Alec.

"So how long was I out?" I ask.

"About a day and a half." He says.

"Did I miss much?" I ask.

"Not really, Izzy's with some faerie guy and Jace is being his usual arrogant self." Alec says.

"So nothing's changed." I say. Alec laughs.

"Nope." He says.

*3 hours later*

"How you feeling?" Alec asks, as he pushes me in my wheelchair out of the hospital.

"So nauseous." I say.

"We'll be home soon." He says. I nod and breathe deeply trying so hard to puke right here and now.

Ten minutes later we get home and I know I'm going to be sick.

"Alec, I'm gonna be sick." I say. He helps me out of the chair and into my bathroom where I immediately start to throw up. Alec rubs my back as I empty the contents of my stomach.

After a few minutes I finally stop puking. I stay hunched over the toilet for a few minutes, trying to catch my breath.

"Come on, let's get you into bed." Alec says. He helps me up and into bed.

"You need me call me, okay?"He says. I nod. "I love you baby sis, I hope you feel better soon." He says. I smile and try to squeeze his hand.

"I love you too big brother." I say. He squeezes my hand and leaves.

All through the night I'm up being sick. It sucks so badly.

*2 days later*

It's been a few days since I started chemo and I haven't had it again since, though I'm scheduled for it tomorrow. I'm starting to feel a bit better and I can manage getting out of the institute in my wheelchair for a while.

Brother Jeremiah was here yesterday to see if he could figure out why Clary couldn't remember anything about the Shadow world. She figured out that The High Warlock Of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane, had something to do with it. Izzy found an invitation to a party he's throwing in his loft tonight. Jace, Alec, Izzy, Simon and Clary are going, to talk to Magnus. I think I might be able to as well, though I know Alec Jace and Izzy don't think it's safe, but I'm feeling better and once I use the wheelchair I'll be fine.

"How are you feeling today?" Simon asks me, as we sit in Izzy's room with the boy's as she tries to find something for both she and Clary to wear tonight.

"Okay, I guess, better than when I started Chemo." I say.

"That's good, so you think you'll be fit for this party tonight?" Simon says. I nod, rearranging the canula in my nose.

"Yeah, I think so; once I use the wheelchair I should be fine." I say.

"So what are we expected to wear?" Simon asks Izzy.

"Well Jace and Alec are probably going to wear their gear, so I guess nice jeans and a nice shirt should be okay for you. I will be wearing a dress and so will Clary, even if I have to force you into you one, you're wearing one." She says.

"How do you survive with her as your sister?" Clary says to Alec, Jace and I.

"She tries to poison us with her cooking." Jace teases.

"Hey, my cooking is fine!" Izzy says.

"Yeah, sure that's why it tastes like Radiotherapy pills." I say. Jace laughs.

"Good one." He says, as Alec silently shakes with laughter.

"What happened to you, you use to be nice." Izzy says.

"I spent too much time with Jace." I say.

"Ha ha." Jace sarcastically says.

*That night*

I step out of room in what are basically my pyjamas. I know Izzy wants us to dress properly but I personally think I would look ridiculous in a dress. So I'm just wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt, a black jacket, navy jeans and black and white high tops.

I take the elevator downstairs where the others are waiting.

When I get there Jace and Alec are dressed in their gear, while Simon is looking quiet handsome in a brown t-shirt, black jeans and brown high tops.

Izzy is wearing a black dress with lace designs that just touches her thighs, and she has high heeled black boots that go to below her knees. Her raven black hair falls in a straight flow down to her waist.

Clary is wearing something similar, a small black dress that goes past her thighs. She has boots that go up to her knees and is also wearing a black leather jacket. Her hair is tied back in an elegant pony tail.

"Isabelle! What the hell? You make me dress like a hooker but Hazel gets to wear jeans and a jacket?" She says.

"I think this looks a lot more normal for a girl who has tube coming out of her nose that's attached to a huge tank in a cart that she has to cart around with her the whole time." I say.

"She's right." Izzy says.

"Cancer perk number 394, I get to wear my pyjamas everywhere and no one says anything." I say, grinning.

"Come on, let's go or we'll be late." Izzy says.

As we walk Izzy pushes my wheelchair and Simon walks beside her, with Clary beside him. Jace and Alec walk a little bit behind, talking quietly to eacother.

When we arrive at Magnus' apartment the first thing I hear is loud music.

Izzy knocks on the door and a few minutes later it's opened by a tall man with spiky black hair covered with glitter, his skin is brown like maple syrup. He is wearing a lavender button down shirt, with the first few buttons open. He is wearing a black blazer with lavender around the hems. He's also wearing tight- too tight- purple leather pants.

"Shadowhunters, I don't remember inviting any of you." He says.

"Well we have an invitation." Izzy says, handing him the invitation.

"Hmm, it appears so." He says.

"I'm Isabelle Lightwood; these are my brothers Jace and Alec, my sister Esther and our friends Clary Garroway_ Graymark? And Simon Lewis." Izzy says.

"Come in, and try not to murder any of my guests." He says.

"Is there anywhere we can talk to you in private?" Izzy asks.

"Sorry darling but you're a bit too young for me." Magnus says. Izzy laughs.

"Don't flatter yourself Bane, Clary's a shadowhunter but has no memories of the shadow world growing up, and she figured out with the assistance of the silent brothers that you have something to do with it." She says.

"Oh I know, I've know Clary since she was baby." Magnus says.

"What?!" Clary asks in disbelief.

"Follow me, one of you can come with her if she pleases but the rest, well just don't destroy my house." He says.

"Si, will you come with me?" Clary asks Simon.

"Of course." He says. They walk into Magnus' room with him and he shuts the door after him.

As we wait I begin to feel nauseas from the chemo. I know I'm going to be sick.

"Alec..." I say.

"You okay?" He asks kneeling beside my wheelchair.

"Alec I really don't feel good." I say.

"Nausea?" He asks. I nod. I can feel the bile rising in my throat and I know I need to act fast. Luckily I see bin in the corner of the room. I get out of the wheelchair and rush over to the bin, barely making it in time. If I wasn't feeling so awful I'd be humiliated.

I feel a hand on my back as I throw up. Poor Magnus is going to get an awful surprise later... or maybe not... this is a party after all, I might be able to pin it on a random guest and not be labelled 'The girl who threw up in Magnus Bane's bin.'

After I finish puking and have wiped my mouth with some paper Jace handed me, I turn to see Magnus standing a few feet away from us. I blush bright red, as Jace helps me back over to the wheelchair.

"Sorry." I mutter to Magnus.

"No worries, Chemotherapy side effect?" He asks. I nod.

"I'll take you home Hazel." Jace says.

"I think we'll all head home." Alec says.

"Yes, I need to get this dress off." Clary says. We make our way to the door and just as we're leaving Magnus says "And you, blue eyes, call me." And winks at Alec. I grin as Alec goes bright red.

"Come on let's go, before Alec dies from blushing." Jace says.

When we get home I go to straight to bed and fall into a peaceful sleep. That night I have the most surprising yet pleasant dreams. I dream of being with Simon. Being his girlfriend, being in love with him. And after those dreams is when I realize I have a crush on Simon.

**Okay, I know it's super long and probably kinda boring but that's all I have for this chapter. **

**Please review and let me know what you think.**

**I love you all! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys. Thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI, TID or TFIOS, all rights to Cassandra Clare and the outstanding John Green. **

**Chapter 4.**

***HAZEL'S P.O.V.***

***2 weeks later***

I'm awoken to someone gently shaking me and saying my name.

"Hazel, it's almost 1 O'clock." Hodge gently says. I blink my eyes open and squint because they hurt so much. I feel a wave of nausea washing over me, and unfourtenetley I'm not hooked up to a portable tank and I can't go 2 minutes without the oxygen.

I sit up and groan as the nausea gets stronger.

"Hodge, I feel really sick." I say. He places a basin in my lap, and just in time too, as I start throwing up, unfourtenetley it doesn't all go in the basin. I keep getting sick; at this point I think I'm going to throw my stomach up. After another few minutes I finally stop vomiting, but I feel worse than ever.

"By the angel, Hazel you look awful; I don't think this is normal. Are you getting pains anywhere?" Hodge asks.

"My legs are killing me, and so is my head." I say.

"I think I better summon brother Zachariah, I'll get Izzy in here to help you change." He says. I really hope the cancer hasn't spread again.

I look down and see my shirt is stained with vomit. Sometimes I disgust myself so bad. I'm sixteen and I got sick all over my shirt.

*10 minutes later*

"_Hazel, I'm afraid that your caner has spread again, to several of your lymph nodes." _Brother Zachariah says. No this can't really be happening. It can't, my lung tumours are already growing a lot, my cancer can't have spread again.

"Oh Angel, please tell me this is a dream." I whisper.

"_I'm so sorry Hazel, but your cancer has become very aggressive and you will need surgery to remove the affected lymph nodes, along with continued chemotherapy. I will also refer you to Catrina Loss, a warlock who works at the hospital; she may be able to help you." _He says.

"When will I have the surgery?" I ask.

"_As soon as possible. I will arrange everything with Catrina and let you know so you may be prepared." _He says. I nod. I'm terrified of surgery, I had it when I was twelve after I was first diagnosed, to have my thyroid removed, but the cancer was already spread so it was pointless really.

"Someone can be with me right up until I have to go into theatre, right?" I ask.

"_I believe so, yes." _Brother Zachariah says.

"So would Alec, Jace or Izzy be able to stay with me, until I have to go into theatre? Or does it have to be an adult?" I ask.

"_I am not sure of that, I will ask Catrina and let you know. In the mean time, rest up and take it easy, the chemo is giving you very bad side effects." _He says.

"Yeah, I've been sick every day since I started chemo." I say.

Brother Zachariah talks to me about my cancer, chemo and surgery for a while longer, before he leaves. After he does, Jace comes in.

"What did he say?" He asks, sitting beside me and putting his arm around my shoulders, in a protective way. I lean my head against his chest, taking in all that's happening.

"He said the cancer's spread to my lymph nodes and I have to have surgery to have them removed. He's going to talk to Catrina Loss, a warlock who works at the hospital, and schedule the surgery for as soon as possible and I have to continue the chemo." I say. Jace's arms tighten around me and I let the tears stream down my face.

"It'll be okay Hazel, it will I promise." He says.

"I'm so scared Jace." I whisper. He kisses the top of my head. I burry my face in his chest and let all the pain, anger, frustration and annoyance I've been feeling since mom, dad and Max left for Idris, out through my sobs. Jace just holds me tightly and closely and lets me sob into his chest, not saying a word.

We sit like this for a while, Jace holding me and me sobbing.

After a while I finally calm down. Jace helps me hook my canula up to a portable tank.  
"I'll go get Izzy to help you get dressed." He says.

A while later I'm dressed and ready to go to the hospital for chemo. Alec is coming with me, again. I also have to use the wheelchair as my legs are still killing me and I'm really weak, so it's safer and easier to use the chair.

As I sit in the chair in the hospital, with the chemo IV in my wrist, I can see that Alec is texting Magnus Bane. I didn't think he really would call him.

"Why are you texting Magnus Bane?" I ask, smiling. Alec blushes.

"I'm not." He says.

"I can see the contact name from here and it says 'Magnus' unless you know any other Magnus' It's got to be Magnus Bane." I say.

"I'm just... talking to him about your cancer and how he can help you." He says.

"Yeah, sure." I say. Alec sighs.

"Fine, I called him a few days after the party, we got talking, we went on a date and... now we're dating." He says. This is great! I'm so happy for Alec! He deserves to be happy.

"Alec! This is great, I'm so happy for you!" I say. Alec smiles slightly and blushes.

"Thanks." He mumbles.

"Are you two serious?"I ask.

"I guess so. I really like him and he likes me, so..." He says.

"I'm glad you've finally found someone Alec, you deserve to be happy." I say.

"Thanks. Hey, what about you, that little mundane boy seems to like you and you seem to like him." Alec says. Simon likes me? Did he say that to Clary and she told Jace who told Alec? But even if Simon does like me, I can't date him, I'll just hurt him when I die, which I think will be soon. I'm already going to hurt everyone at the institute; I can't drag Simon into it.

"Simon? I thought he liked Clary." I say.

"I think he use to but since you meet him and started spending time with you he seems to like you, he looks at you like I use to look at Jace." He says. Simon's in love with me?

"You really think he's in love with me?" I ask.

"Definitely, and if you don't believe me, ask Izzy." He says. Izzy has made so many boys fall in love with her, she knows when someone's in love with someone else.

"I think I might have to." I say.

*That night*

As I lay in bed, hooked up to Jeremy and reading A Tale Of Two Cities for the millionth time, there's a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in." I call. The door opens and my mom walks in. She's supposed to be in Idris, what's she doing here?

"Mom, what are you doing back? I thought you were supposed to be in Idris till the end of the month." I say.

"Hodge sent me a message telling me about your cancer spreading." She says, walking over and hugging me.

"Is dad here?" I ask.

"No sweetie, I'm sorry, I told him about your cancer spreading but he said he had to stay and do some work for the Clave..." Mom says. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up; dad doesn't put anything before his work.

"Oh... yeah... of course..." I say.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart." She says.

"Yeah...no... Of course... it was stupid of me to think he would've come back." I say.

"I'll message him." Mom says.

"No, don't mom, if he doesn't want to come back to see his dying daughter that his choice, don't force him." I say.

"How are you feeling?" Mom asks, changing the subject.

"Really nauseas from the chemo." I say.

"Hazel, are you really reading that book again?" Mom asks.

"I like it." I defend.

"You read it every day you were in hospital when you were first diagnosed." She says.

"So? I like it, it gives me comfort." I say.

"You're reading the same book over and over, you're not eating, you're not leaving the house... Hazel, are you depressed?" Mom asks.

"What? No." I say.

"You spend a lot of time thinking, reading and talking about death..." She says.

"That's because I want to know what's going to happen to me soon." I say.

"You know my friend Jocelyn Fairchild had depression after her son was born, you have pretty much the same symptoms as her." Mom says. Jocelyn, isn't that Clary's mom?

"Mom, I'm not depressed, seriously." I say.

"A symptom of depression is denying you're depressed." Mom says.

"But I'm not depressed, seriously." I say.

"Honey, I'm worried about you. I think I might take you to Magnus Bane, he'll be able to tell if you're depressed." Mom says.

"No, mom seriously I'm not depressed." I say.

"We'll let Magnus decide on that one." She says. I couldn't be bothered arguing anymore.

"Fine." I say. Mom smiles.  
"You better get some sleep." She says. She then reaches up to the shelf above my bed and grabs one of my old favourite teddy bears from when I was a kid.

"I think you should sleep with Bluie tonight." Mom says.

"Mom, I'm not five anymore." I say.

"I know, but it's a hard time for you." She says.

"Fine, I'll sleep with the damn bear." I say. Mom smiles and gives him to me.

"Goodnight sweetheart." Mom says, and kisses my forehead.

"Night." I say. I sleep pretty well that night, until three a.m. when I wake up with an indescribable pain, fingering its way out from the centre of my brain. I scream to wake my mom up. The door bursts open and mom and Hodge burst in. I can barely tell them what's wrong. Mom gives me an oxygen mask which I assume is attached to a portable tank. I immediately put it up to my mouth, trying to get as much oxygen as possible. As Hodge lifts me, mom runs downstairs.

'This is it' I think to myself. This is the end; my cancer is finally going to kill me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guts, thanks for the review, follows favourites etc. **

**I hope you enjoy the chapter. Please review.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI, TID or TFIOS all rights go to Cassandra Clare and John Green. **

**Chapter 5.**

***HAZLE'S P.O.V.* **

When my eyes open the first thing I see is mom sitting beside me on the bed. Brother Zachariah is standing on the other side of my bed. Hodge is just coming in the door, when he sees I'm awake he walks in and sits at the end of the bed. He covers my hand with his and gently strokes my hand with his thumb.

"Hey sweetheart."Mom quietly says. My head still hurts, but nowhere near as bad as it was.

"Hi, what happened?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"The usual, fluid in the lungs preventing oxygenation. The brothers surgically installed a tube to drain the water, a few nights ago. Drained about 2 litters." Mom says. I lift my hospital gown up slightly where I see a white tube disappearing into my side, taped down with white gauze and other medical things.

"Good news is, no more tumour growth, no new tumours, and certainly not in your brain. This is just a thing Hazel, something you can live with, you're going to be just fine, I promise." Hodge says. I nod. For the few minutes I was conscious after I woke up with the unbelievable pain in my head, I was convinced the cancer had gone to my brain. So it's a relief to know it hasn't.

"_You will have to go back to using your BiPAP at night Hazel, to ensure you get as much oxygen as possible at all times." _ Brother Zachariah says. I used the BiPAP when I was 14, by the time I was fifteen my lungs were working considerably okay for cancer ridden lungs, so I stopped using it.

I realize I probably look like crap, I really hope Simon or Clary hasn't seen me like this.

"Has anyone else seen me, besides from everyone in here?" I ask.

"Magnus has but no one else." Mom says. I nod; glad Simon hasn't seen me looking like crap.

A while later mom and Hodge leave, so I can rest. Brother Zachariah stays, in case I get anymore pains or anything. I don't mind him being here, he's nowhere near as creepy as the rest of the silent brothers, he's much more human.

"Brother Zachariah, how long have I been out?" I ask.

"_About three days Hazel, though you needn't fret, you haven't missed much, no new book publications or the like. Though what I hear from your mother you're reading the same book again and again, since she left for Idris with your father and brother."_ Brother Zachariah says.

"Yeah, 'A tale of two cities' It's my source of comfort. I read it for the first time shortly after I was diagnosed. It was actually when I came home after surgery." I say. A look of sadness flashes across brother Zachariah's face.

"_My old _Parabatia _and his wife adored that book. It was their source of comfort as well." _He says.

"Do you know when I have to have surgery to have the lymph nodes that are affected by the cancer, removed?" I ask.

"_Yes, I talked to your doctors at the hospital along with Catrina. Your surgery is scheduled for next week. You will go into hospital the night before your surgery and depending on how the surgery goes you will be kept in for a few days afterwards." _Brother Zachariah says. I nod.

*3 days later*

The surgery looms closer every day and every day I become more frightened. Everyone is trying their best to distract me and comfort me. Right now I'm sitting in Taki's with Alec and Magnus. Magnus is a great guy, I really like him and I sincerely hope he'll become my brother in-law someday.

"So Hazel, Alec tells me that Sherlock boy has a thing for you." Magnus says. Sherlock? I furrow my brow.  
"Sherlock? As in Sherlock Holmes? As much as I love him I'm pretty sure he's got a thing for Irene Adler." I say. Alec laughs, as he knows how big of an obsession I have with Sherlock.

"No, I mean that boy you hang around with, the mundane." Magnus says.

"Oh Simon." I say.

"Yes him. Alec says Simon seems to be in love with you." Magnus says. I know Simon is definitely in love with me, but I can't be with him because I'll just hurt him when I die.

"We're just friends." I say.

"He doesn't look at you like you're 'just friends'" Magnus says.

"Well we are."I say.

Just as we're about to leave Taki's, I get a text from Simon.

'_Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. Do you want to come over? I'm at Clary's and Luke is more than happy to have you over." _The text reads. I bite my lip. I'm trying to keep my distance from him so I don't hurt him when I die.

I choose to just ignore the text.

When Alec and I get home I go out into the back yard and sit down, thinking about everything. I have my copy of 'A Tale Of Two Cities' with me and even though it's my favourite novel and it's always been my source of comfort, right now it's making me really sad. Probably because I found it when I was healthy, before I was diagnosed.

My phone buzzes again. I pick my phone up and see it's Simon, again.

'_Hazel, is everything okay?' _It reads. I ignore it again and set my phone down in the grass. As I flip through my copy of A Tale Of Two Cities, I know I can't stand not talking to Simon anymore. I pick my phone up and dial Simon's number. He picks up almost straight away.  
"Hazel Grace, hey!" He says. Since when does he call me by my second name too?  
"Simon Lewis." I quietly say, as my throat tightens and tears threaten to fall down my face.  
"Hazel are you okay?" He asks. I look at A Tale Of Two Cities and thinking about my life when I was healthy, for a long time. Eventually I just shake my head and mange to get out a 'No'.

"What's wrong?" He asks. I'm quiet for a long time.

"I just... I really don't want to get surgery... And it's ... I don't want this particular life; also my favourite book is making me really sad for some reason." I say.

"Well most books tend to make you cry." He says. I laugh.

"Yeah but I'm not reading this book, I'm just looking at it and it's making me really sad." I say.

"Well maybe I should come over?" He asks, hope evident in his tone.

"Okay."I say, smiling a bit.

"Okay." He says. The line goes dead and I put my phone in the grass.

10 minutes later I hear the back doors of the institute open. A few seconds later Simon sits down beside me and grins his big goofy grin at me.

"So where is this traumatizing book that's causing you so much pain?" He asks. I smile and hand him the book.

"A Tale Of Two Cities? I thought you had a better taste in literature than this!" He says.

"Hey! It is a very good book; it's just different from what most people our age read." I say.

"I think I have a solution to this book making you sad." He says.

"What is it?" I ask.

"You need a new book to read and luckily for you I have brought a few with me." He says, digging into his bag and producing a fairly large beige book. He hands it to me and I read the title. 'The book Thief.'

"What's it about? Besides the self explanatory title." I say. Simon laughs.

"It's about a German girl who goes into foster care during World War II. She starts to take books from random places, first the graveyard. When she can't sleep at night her foster dad reads to her and teaches her to read and write.

I won't spoil it, but it's really good, you should definitely read it." He says. It certainly sounds enthralling.

"I'll give it a go. Thanks." I say.  
"Anytime. Now, give me a Tale Of Two Cities." He says.

"What? No way!"I say.

"Hazel I know you're just gonna read it again and it's going to make you sad again." He says.

"It only makes me sad because I found it before I had cancer, when I was healthy." I say.

"Exactly, so hand it over." He says. I hesitate again.

"Come on Hazel, it's not like I'm gonna burn it. I'll just keep it in my room, I promise." He says. I realize Simon's right and I have no need not to trust him. I hand the book to him and he puts it in his bag. We sit in comfortable silence for a while before Simon breaks it.

"I know you're trying to keep your distance from me, and I want you to know you can't do anything that lessens my affection for you. I _really_ like you Hazel, and that's never gonna change." He says. I've been wanting to avoid this conversation for a long time.

"Look, Simon I like you too. But I'm a grenade, and one day soon, really soon, I'm going to blow up I'm going to die. I don't want to hurt you." I say.

"Hazel _you _won't hurt me_" He begins. I've had this conversation with everyone I love and I know what he's going to say.

"No Simon don't say it, don't say 'It's your death that will hurt me' my death _is _me and I am going to hurt you if you get too close to me!" I say.

"I'll be hurt when you die anyway, weather we've been around eacother a lot or not." He says.

"But if you're not close to me it won't hurt as much. Simon I really, really like you, but I don't want to hurt you and I know that you'll hurt anyway but I would like to keep that hurting to a minimum." I say.

"I wouldn't mind Hazel, I really wouldn't. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you Hazel Grace." He says. Why does he have to be so nice about everything? Why does he have to be so sweet and perfect and lovable?

"Simon, look, I have to go. Just... call me tonight." I say, standing up.

"Okay..." He says. I walk into the institute and into my room, where I won't hurt anyone.

*That night*

"That's new." Mom comments, as she sees me reading The Book Thief, instead of A Tale Of Two Cities. "Did that mundane boy give it to you?" She asks.

"By 'It' do you mean Herpes?" I ask. She laughs and shakes her head.

"You need to spend a little less time with Jace." She says.

*Hours later*

"So do you wanna do something tomorrow, it's like the last day before you go into hospital for surgery, right?" Simon asks, as we talk on the phone.

"Yeah, sure. What should we do?"I ask.

"Hmmm... Wanna go for a picnic, and then go watch my band play?" He asks.

"Yeah sure sounds good. What's your bands name?" I ask.

"We're in between names at the minute, so we just go by Eric, Matt, Simon and Kirk." He says. There is a comfortable silence, after I laugh, after which I check the time. I surprised to find its 1:00am.

"Is it really 1:00am?" I ask.

"I guess it is." He says.

"I should probably get some sleep." I say.

"Okay." He says. I grin.

"Okay." I say. There is a few seconds of silence before he says

"Okay." There is a longer silence before I whisper

"Okay" again, whilst grinning.

"Maybe Okay will be our Always." He says. I grin.

"Okay." I say.

"Okay?" He asks.  
"Okay." I confirm.

A few minutes later I manage to hang up the phone. That night I fall asleep with the biggest grin on my face.

**There it is, I hope you like it. Please review.**


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